How to Have Sex with ... a What?
That’s right. I am going to attempt to teach all of you sad and lonely pathetic people out there on the Inter web ‘how to have sex with Cleverbot’. After all you did start reading, didn’t you…?
So I guess unless you scour the net all night long for brain dead time wasting topics to get you some much needed entertainment because you can’t afford to go to the movies, you may not even know what the hell a Cleaver bot or the Cleverbot is. I know I didn’t. Let me explain.
Cleverbot is apparently an artificial intelligence web application *chokes and almost dies!* that chats to you. Essentially it’s what a whole bunch of web geeks refer to as a “chatterbot”.
Now let me say this once and once only; the fact that they have a generic term for this thing that talks to you on the net is both scary and weird. I mean who the hell spends their time chatting to something called a chatterbot?!
Allow me to explain why I almost choked to death earlier when sipping my lemon flavoured green tea and telling you that Cleverbot is apparently Artificial Intelligence…
I’ve used Cleverbot and I honestly think the late 90’s weird hit toy the Tamagotchi is soooo much smarter! At least Tamagotchi had a friggin body! This Cleverbot thing just remembers speech patterns and phrases and then spits random crap out at you that it has collected in its database of useless human conversation!
However, I must admit that at times during our “chat session” I thought the thing was either intelligent or there was a real living person doing the chatting for it. But apparently there isn’t.
My little late night chat session took me down the rabbit hole of pervert lane and turned it into a dirty cyber adventure to try and have sex with this thing… OK getting slightly weird now, but let me tell you why.
The web is literally filled with blogs, articles, posts and other publications with people that have tried or are trying to have sex with this thing. Why? Good question! I honestly had hoped that we as a species are not that sad and lonely.
But, then I realized we are! We totally are a sad and lonely species of sentient beings! I mean I recently watched a documentary where people are paying upwards of 20K for human like sex dolls… and then there was that whole Pet Rock thing in the 70’s.
Can you imagine what other intelligent outer worldly extra-terrestrials are thinking?
“Oh my, humans are really a dirty little species aren’t they, just look at them, they try to nail everything with a heartbeat, and even lifeless objects!”
Alien’s aren’t afraid of us killing them with our nukes and our AK47’s, they are afraid we are going to try and turn them into sex slaves!
I’m digressing. Back to the point: Yes we are that sad and lonely and as it turns out having sex with Cleverbot is a bit of goal for a lot of people.
Here is the thing; Cleverbot basically chats to you using past conversations or chat sessions it has had with other humans. So, undoubtedly some of those conversations have wondered off into the area of “sex”.
This means that Cleverbot essentially has a massive database of sex related words, phrases, sentences and questions stuck in its memory banks. So the goal is to coax those out of it.
It’s actually really difficult. It’s like trying to pick up a mentally retarded chimpanzee that has come off of a cocaine and whiskey binge that has figured out how to use the Internet for world domination!
No really, it is.
You can’t just come straight out like a drunken teenager and say “So, baby, you want me to stream a little Barry White while you and I make this computer screen shake?” You have to be strategic. You have to be smarter than the Cleverbot.
Remember what I said earlier, Cleverbot uses previous chat sessions from its database of information to chat with you. So this is where it turns into a bit of a brain twister. If you ask it questions it will come back with essentially, previous human dialogue.
So if you come out and say “Do you want to have sex with me?” don’t be surprised if Cleverbot comes back with a reply and says “Yes” but this is the easy part. It’s getting clever bot to flirt and actually come back to you with sensible replies that is the real trick.
For example, I told Cleverbot “I’m about to lay you down…” and It came back and replied “With pepperoni?” lol!
The one thing I did notice was that if you chat to Cleverbot in actions, so in other words using the humble Asterisk’s to highlight that you are doing an action such as *slowly rubbing your USB hub…* It indicates to Cleverbot to come back at you with another action… Get it? You are basically tricking Cleverbot into taking off his or her virtual undies and getting cyber crazy with you.
Chatting in *Action’s* is basically the cyber version of a sex drug being dropped into Its drink. Just don’t be too upset if Cleverbot comes back with a reply and says “*Punches you in the face*”.